Gulls 'Skulled'!

Yeah, last week we noted that bats get the bends, seals love wind farms, elephants have a better sense of smell than dogs, who get jealous of other dogs, even stuffed ones. This week we read that black cats are under threat because they are not photogenic enough for the Facebook ambitions of their owners when compared to marmalades and albinos and that red squirrels are fighting back and winning the survival battle against their grey impostors while tortoises are helping alligators to escape from zoos and cows are forming delinquent gangs raining death and destruction on all who come near them as pigeons have begun taking the Tube to different districts of London in order to sample the wide variety of discarded cuisine that the city has to offer.

All true. (I can send you the proof!)

But the biggest story of the week is the latest news that seagulls have turned on us! Last week we thought it was a joke when some politician suggested that something be done about their deviant behaviour here, but similar experiences have been reported in the UK as well. Despite having little in the way of previous, it seems that the same gulls have, all of a sudden, started picking fights with their human neighbours - pecking our heads, robbing our ice cream, gouging at our eyes, crapping on us from on high and generally acting the proverbial and avian b*llox when around us. And the reason why? And this is the real story - apparently it's because they are all, well, locked i.e. scuttered, plastered, rat-arsed!  Word has it that all this good weather of late has packed our coasts out with a variety of flying ant which seagulls just love and which, once they chomp enough of them, fills their systems with formic acid - a thing that has the same effect on them as, say, eight or nine pints has on us!  It's as though the summer has turned into one massive free bar for them and the ensuing business has become predictably messy. Ma-gull-uf! Anyway, just warning y'all to be on alert and maybe to wear some protective head gear when nearing the coast and not to be too surprised if a lesser black backed gull looking unsteady on his feet arrives into your local demanding to be served and insisting that up to then he's only had the two!

PS - Just added an FB 'Like' and 'Share' button there on the right. Please use liberally!

More tomorrow ...

Excuse me, I'm a lesher bwack black seeee ... Oi! ... YOU! ... looking for a slap pal!!